It is very important that you maintain contact with your partner’s emotional and physical experience. If during this process, you notice your partner disengaging, not sharing feedback, stiff, uncomfortable, you must pause and explore what they are experiencing. This needs to be a gentle and kind process where you resist any temptation to take it personally or get defensive. If you sense sadness or notice, for example, they are crying, you stop and hold them. These are signs of what we call “flooding,” when a person experiences emotional and physical symptoms from feeling overwhelmed. Ask lovingly and supportively things like, “Will you share with me what you are experiencing/thinking/feeling?” Just listen. If they are not ready to share, that’s ok. You are providing exactly what you should provide by just being present with them and holding them. This is love in one of its best forms and something they may not have experienced before. This is healing."
Whether your marriage is strong or struggling, try this!