Re-establishing An Emotionally Intimate Connection
Goal
To connect/re-connect in a meaningful and fun non-sexual way. Why non-sexual? Because some couples have become so separate and disconnected. They desire to reconnect but feel too vulnerable and overwhelmed to connect sexually.
Most activities listed here are meant to take no longer than 45 minutes, except the ones with a (*). If you both have time AND it naturally takes longer, you may extend it beyond the 45 minutes if you both agree.
Keep your own journal or notes about these experiences so that you can make the most of them and really begin to understand your experience.
Steps
- Decide how many times per week you want to engage in this process (minimum 3, maximum 7). You must agree and it must be a commitment.
- Decide how many weeks you are making this commitment for, i.e. 1 week followed by reassessment and re-commitment, 2 weeks followed by reassessment… Please do not go more than 3 weeks without reassessing and recommitting. You may want to continue with the same agreement. You may want to change it. You may want to move on to the next level.
- Take turns choosing one activity from the list. Do not remind each other that it is their turn. Do not debate which activity to choose or give the person who it’s not their turn, the choice. The one whose turn it is chooses. If you don’t like anything on the list or if you would like to alter the activity on the list, you may do so, but the change cannot include a sexual activity. That is the next level.
- Embellishments like lighting and music are up to the person who is choosing for that day/night.
- The camera part of the phone is ok, but no phone for any other purpose.
Here goes!
- Hand Massage – Take turns giving each other a hand massage per the video instructions or similar. Here’s one instructional video on hand massage. The first 10 minutes are narrated and the second 10 minutes are the same massage without narration so you can follow along if you want. Lots of talking and massage don’t usually go well together but some talk is ok. Provide some feedback about how you are enjoying the experience, and for sure, speak up lovingly if you are experiencing any discomfort.
- Board Game or Cards
- Side-by-side Handholding Walk – Leave the dog and the children home (with someone responsible depending on age). Don’t worry about conversation, just let it flow naturally, but no hot-topics and no family business, and no talking all about the children or your aging parents.
- Faux Power Outage – The one who chose this, decide what kind of fun you would like to have? Candles, what kind of snacks, a board game or cards, music (pretend your phone is a battery operated radio).
- Silent Blindfolded Trust Walk – Even better in the dark! Take turns being blindfolded and led on a walk. The leader must take you by the hand and there is to be no talking. The leader raises your hand up if there is a step up, down if down, to the right if to the right and so on. The leader must take responsibility for looking ahead so they know where to lead you and looking behind to ensure you are safe and navigating everything well. Try some more challenging areas like hills or stairs, twists and turns around trees, etc. If the weather or other conditions make it that going outside is not reasonable, try to do it in your home. Go slow and careful. We don’t want any injuries.
